SUNDAY SLOWDOWN | Bittersweet beauty

"Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous."  - Frank O’hara 

I recently bought a book because the linen wrapped binding caught my eye, but I haven't even unwrapped it yet.  On the next rainy Sunday, I will take it into my studio and sit with it, to give it the full attention it deserves. And perhaps there will be some beauty to share with you. 
 
Until then, here is a poem I found by the same author as the quote.  It feels like a kind of gentle melancholy that connects you back to your heart, even and especially when it is aching for some reason, for many reasons.  
 
I wake up & it breaks my heart. I draw the blinds
& the thrill of rain breaks my heart. I go outside.
I ride the train, walk among the buildings, men in
Monday suits. The flight of doves, the city of tents
beneath the underpass, the huddled mass, old
women hawking roses, & children all of them,
break my heart. There's a dream I have in which I
love the world. I run from end to end like fingers
through her hair. There are no borders, only wind.
Like you, I was born. Like you, I was raised in the
institution of dreaming. Hand on my heart. Hand
on my stupid heart.
 
With so much chaos and confusion in the world right now, I find myself bursting into tears when I have a moment of silence. Feeling a bit helpless, yet knowing that as long as I am still feeling, still caring, my sadness, and sometimes anger, are sacred companions and signs that my heart is still alive and attuned to the bittersweet beauty of the world.  Sometimes sadness is the only answer.  And it's Ok. It's all ok.  
 
As I sit here in the quiet darkness of my studio contemplating another day of hot summer sunshine to come, I am feeling grateful. To have had a lovely evening last night with friends, under the almost full moon skies. To have a garden where golden finches come to snack on our sunflowers and sing their lovely songs. To enjoy the taste of fresh picked figs, still warm from the unshaded tree, and a cold beer in the afternoon. To be able to share this moment in time with you, thankful to be connected in some small way. 
 
Our shared humanity matters.  
 
X Alisa 

 
Photo : unknown |  Georgia O'Keefe's Studio